Warning: If you are a fan of Family Matter, Full House and/or Steve Urkel AND you are touchy about them being assailed, just stop reading right now. You have been warned. Everyone else please read on.

   Steve Urkel you are my bane! I just don't know what to do with you. On the one hand, Jaleel White actually brings some comic mastery to your portrayal. On the other hand, Mr. Urkel in anything other than limited doses you can be more annoying than... actually there is nothing more annoying. In the whole universe. Nothing. This is a big problem because for years it was almost impossible to get Steve Urkel in anything except large doses. His show Family Matters was on for four hundred seasons. It was in continuous syndicated repeats. And since the show was on such a long time, to get through all the episodes quickly, in syndication they usually would air two episodes back to back. So, half an hour in primetime, an hour on some local station every day, an hour on TBS or some other cable outlet every day, maybe another hour block on the local station (one in the morning, one in the afternoon), the additional government mandated 2 hour blocks we were all required to watch under penalty of death. It added up to an average Urkel intake of 23 hours a day per human being living on planet Earth. It was...just...too...much... Urkel.

   But it seems for some it was still not enough. Urkel began leaking out of his own show Family Matters and into other shows. Unable to be contained he seemed to creep into every other show on television in crossover cameos, trying I believe to actually be present in people's lives a for a full 24 hours, seven days a week.

   And what could be the worst possible example of this? Well, for some people that would be his working his way onto Full House. Now I know some people absolutely love these shows. But we all know that there is also another group for whom both of these shows might as well be a sign that the end of the world is coming. And to have Urkel do a crossover between these shows? For these people it would be the exact horrible opposite of the peanut butter and chocolate accident that created the Reese Cup. On their own bad, together... stop crying! Pull yourself together!

   Too harsh? Sorry. So many Urkel crossovers have lead to some issues I am trying to work through.

   Here's what witnesses say actually happened on that fateful Full House episode. Despite being known as a saccharine sweet family sitcom, Full House decided to dive in and tackle subject matter few other sitcoms would dare touch. Young Stephanie Tanner went to the doctor and discovered that if she ever hoped to read again, she would need to wear a scientific device known as "eye glasses".

   Oh forget it. There's know way I can dress this plot up to sound any better. Stephanie finds out she needs glasses. She gets worried about being shunned and abused by her friends at school, afraid she would be branded a nerd. Luckily for Steph, her friend Julie's cousin Steve Urkel is in town to offer some words of advice (Family Matters is set in Chicago, Full House in San Francisco). Because who better to tell you not to worry about glasses making you a nerd and causing you abuse at school than Urkel. He informs Stephanie that wearing suspenders and pants three sizes too short invite many more beatings than glasses and that even if she is beaten up she will likely only feel the first few blows before passing out.

   Okay, no he didn't. He gave her a pep talk about not being afraid to be yourself and about people accepting you for who you are... yadda yadda yadda.

   The thing is, I do agree with the message they are aiming for. Don't let fear of peer pressure shape who you are, do what you need to do, what's right. Good stuff. But at the same time, isn't there a line? I mean, Steve Urkel is not afraid to be himself even if he is laughed at by others. Okay. But shouldn't there also be a message that while you don't want to bow to peer pressure, improving yourself so that you aren't inviting unnecessary scorn is also okay. I mean, Steve Urkel dressed like a nut. When he was a kid it was cute. Once he hit puberty it was just troubling. If he was dressing like he did to make some sort of statement that would be cool. But it always seemed like he was dressing like he did because he had some lack of grooming knowledge. Pants too short, pulled up way too high, loud suspenders. I mean I'm hardly a fashion plate but holy crap! Don't bow to pressure to conform but at the same time try and dress for success. Learn your proper pants size. Buy a belt. If you have to ASK FOR HELP. Stop assaulting everyone else's eyes! I mean, Mr. Urkel, if it will mean that you actually buy appropriate clothes for your age and station in life, well then ya know what, maybe ya should bow to peer pressure. Bow down and beg like peer pressure was your sovereign leader. If you're going to encourage others to wear glasses then don't give them a reason to wish they were blind.

Other Family Matters Crossover Links
Family Matters and Meego
Family Matters and Perfect Strangers
Family Matters and Step By Step

Other Full House Crossover Links
Full House and Fuller House
Full House and Hangin' With Mr. Cooper

Click here to return to main Crossover List

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